CHRISTMAS JOKES
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
ANSWER: So he can
Ho-Ho-Ho!
What animal is always wet?
ANSWER: A Raindeer
ANSWER: “Its Christmas”, Eve
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
ANSWER: A Christmas Quacker
Where does Santa stay when he’s on holiday?
ANSWER: In a HO HO Hotel
What did the Christmas bell say to the other Christmas bell?
ANSWER: Give me a ring sometime
Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
ANSWER: Santa Paws
How do skunks wrap their presents?
ANSWER: They use Smellotape
What fall's but never gets hurt?
ANSWER: Snow!
What king do you see every Christmas?
ANSWER: A stock-king!
What nationality is Santa Claus?
ANSWER: North Polish.
Why
do you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
ANSWER:
Because Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...
What kind of people are afraid of Santa Claus?
ANSWER: Claus-trophobics.
Which of Santa's reindeer
has bad manners?
ANSWER: Rude-olph.
What do get if Santa
comes down the chimney while the fire
Is still burning?
ANSWER: Crisp Kringle.
What do you call Santa
when he has no money?
ANSWER: Saint
Nickel-less.
Why is turkey popular at
Christmas?
ANSWER: Because
the weather is warmer over there.
What bites and nips but
has no teeth?
ANSWER:
Frost.
Where do Santa's elves go
to dance?
ANSWER:
Christmas balls.
What do Santa's reindeer
put on a Christmas tree?
ANSWER:
Horn-aments.
What kind of bird can
write?
ANSWER: A PEN-guin.
Why did Santa think it
would be easy to use a computer?
ANSWER: Because an elf said, "First YULE LOG on."
Why did the elf take his
computer to the hospital?
ANSWER: Because Santa said it had a virus.
How many elves does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
ANSWER: Fifty... one to screw in the light bulb and forty-nine to stand on each other shoulders.
What do Elves make sandwiches from?
ANSWER: Shortbread.
What is Dracula's favourite holiday?
ANSWER: The
Fright Before Christmas.
How many Santa's does it
take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER; One... because
he's smart, good-looking and I don't
Want any ashes in my stocking... do you?
What is Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?
ANSWER: Jungle Bells.
How would you fire Santa?
ANSWER: Give him the sack!
What goes Ho Ho Ho thump?
ANSWER: Santa laughing his head off
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
ANSWER:No eye deer
What do you call a dead
reindeer with no eyes?
ANSWER: Still no eye deer
What do you call a smelly
Santa Claus?
ANSWER: Farter Christmas!
What do you have in
December that you don't have in any other month?
ANSWER: The letter "D".
Who was Frosty the
Snowman's favourite aunt?
ANSWER: Aunt Artica
What
did the Policeman say when he caught Frosty the Snowman stealing?
ANSWER: Freeze!
A little girl
climbed onto Santa's lap,
Santa asked "And
what would you like for Christmas little girl?"
The girl stared at him in horror and then said: "Didn't you get my letter?"
CLICK HERE FOR KNOCK KNOCK JOKES